and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
