She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
