yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
