This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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