he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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