You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
pray to the hookup gods
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
