don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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