Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I'm having to shit out rocks
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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