Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
