Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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