I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
