the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
