$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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