i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Randomize
