we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
