i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
You left your underwear on the fireplace
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
