i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
