i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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