dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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