my mouth tastes like poor choices
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
