people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
