Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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