I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
