she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
