also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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