I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
