the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Randomize
