Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Randomize
