He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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