my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
