The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
my phone needs a breathalizer
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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