Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
