There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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