At least make sure they are 18
Why
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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