I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
