She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
