My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Randomize
