I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
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