bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
