clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
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