i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
