btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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