for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
