I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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