Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Randomize
