Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
