i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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