I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
