I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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