here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I need moral support for this bender
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
