I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
