Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
